Friday, May 29, 2015

Paternal Perspective From A Divorced Dad (a RANT)

There it is..  Such a lovely picture..  An adorable little girl and bright eyed young man.  A perfect Father and Daughter shot..  The problem is..  The guy in the photo isn't you.  It's the boyfriend your ex wife went on to remarry.  Oh it's a great picture.  Everybody "likes" it on facebook.  Some of your friends, your Mom, even your twin sister.  You try to be a bigger person, you try to like it too..  But you can't.  You are grateful that your daughter has a wonderful step father, but you can't ever get past the pain of being denied the right to raise your own child.  It defies the very core of your being hearing him referred to as your daughter's parent.  Who the fuck are you?  Just the guy who sends a support check dutifully every month

You had asked for only one thing in the divorce.  Joint custody.  You were too hurt and sad to ask for anything else.  What's more if you took anything else, there wouldn't have been enough for them to be OK without you.  So you accept the loss and make every personal sacrifice you can to ensure their well being - at least you have joint custody?

No you don't..  Your wife has "residential" custody.  She calls the shots.  In reality you get to see your child when you ex has other plans, wants a break, etc.  You rarely if ever get birthdays or major holidays.  In the whole time my kids were growing up my ex wife never let me have both my kids together on Christmas morning.  Not once.  I am still choking and seething with bitterness about it.

Your daughter is a grown woman on her own now, choosing her own way.  Still.. So many thing you never got to teach her.  Values, practical things, citizenship, how to cook or ride a bike..  You resign yourself to the enormous loss and hope and pray one day she really wants to know and spend time with her real Father..

Colie Brice 5/29/15